One of the common problems I have been running across lately
in my work as a freelance editor, is that there is a lot of “telling” in the
writing, and not much “showing.” The writer "tells" us to be afraid, that the character
is arrogant & mean, that the house is falling apart, etc. But the writer fails to
create a sense of dread/wonder/affection for the character/etc.
Instead, the writer should be MAKING the reader afraid,
SHOWING them the arrogance of the character and how dilapidated the house is, and
so on.
For example, a writer who is only “telling” things might say,
“The spooky old house was falling apart.”
But this is far too much “telling.” You have just told the reader that they are
supposed to be afraid of the house, instead of creating a sense of dread and
fear in them as you describe the house in better detail. The reader will not
feel something just because you tell them to, you have to CREATE that mood.
Also: HOW is it falling apart? SHOW how it is falling apart:
describe the windows cracked, the rotten floorboards, the curtains ragged, the
paint on the walls (inside and out) faded and chipping away, etc. Give them a
specific image in their mind, so they can visualize the details.
You should also use sensory descriptors and imagery to
create the mood and images you wish to convey. Use sensory descriptors to get
the reader to FEEL the danger: sight, sound, smell, etc.
Some examples:
The rustling of the leaves in the
cold wind made him look over his shoulder.
For a moment, the bizarre shapes of the gnarled, twisted branches as
they shook in the wind made Peter they were trying to grab at him from all
sides.
Out of the corner of her eye, Sam
thought she saw the unmistakable skeleton of a dead dog, its collar still
around its neck bones, laying at the foot of the doorway. But when she looked straight at that spot, the
bones were gone.
Suddenly, an overwhelming stench
hit him. It was the smell of very rotten
meat and organic decay. It was the smell
of death. His stomach turned over, and he gagged, almost vomiting. The next thing he knew, the scent was gone
and he could breathe again.
A freezing wind blew out of the
woods. It was unnaturally cold, even for
this time of year, and was blowing in the opposite direction of the rain. It was as if the woods had a wind of its own. Holly felt the chill of it deep in her bones.
If possible, evoke emotions and the readers’ own memories to
help create a stronger image, and more powerful writing. Make the reader fell
anger at the injustice of the villain’s actions against the hero (or another
character), or comfortable & safe at the smell of pie cooking in a kitchen –
just before you have the demonic-werewolf-ghost jump through the window and
attack someone.
Another example: Instead of calling someone “villainous”,
SHOW us how they can be mean and evil.
If a main character savagely kicks a homeless man who is merely sleeping in a freezing
alleyway, for example, or laughs at the sight of a bully beating up a smaller child, we know that character is not one of the good guys. Such “Random Acts of Villainy” can be just as
effective as “Random Acts of Kindness” in SHOWING the reader who your
characters are.
One of my favorite characters on TV is Adrian Monk. Every episode we are “shown” his major
character traits: He has a keen eye for
detail, and a passion to make things right in the world. The writers show this by giving him OCD, and
grief over the murder of his late wife.
His OCD causes him to notice details that pass by most people, but it is
not focused solely on crime scenes: he also obsesses on the placement of every
item in the room, the socks someone is wearing, the idea that he might have
left his stove on back home, and so on.
Yes, you should have a list of descriptive terms for every
character, but you should not share this list with your readers. Instead, try
to demonstrate how each character is worthy of those descriptors.
